UNDERSTAND HUMAN RELATIONS FROM THE QUR’AN
IN THE NAME OF ALLAH THE MOST GRACIOUS, THE MOST MERCIFUL
INTRODUCTION
Allah Reminded us about His Creations:
“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. one of the Muttaqun (pious – see V.2:2)]. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” 49: 13
We interact with other people on a daily basis. We are supposed to live our lives with one another peacefully in order to get to know one another, regardless of our race, culture or even religion. How we treat one another is very important so that we may hopefully remind one another about our purpose in life. Allah has given us many examples in the Qur’an on how we should react when we encounter different situations in life with one another.
If we compare different religions, every single one teaches us to be civil with one another:
Islam: “None of you believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” (An-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith 13)
Christianity: “Do to others what you want them to do to you.” (Matthew 7:21)
Judaism: “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is commentary.” (Talmud, Shabbat 31a)
Buddhism: “Do not hurt others in ways you yourself would find hurtful” (Udanavarga 5:18)
Hinduism: “This is the sum of duty: do nothing to others that would cause you pain if done to you.” (Mahabharata 5:117)
In Islam, Allah Provided us in the Qur’an with many advices on how to treat one another in various situations:
WHAT ALLAH ADVISED US IN THE QUR’AN (Taken from Qur’an Academy)
- Show Kindness:
“Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allah does not like such as are proud and boastful; Those who are miserly and enjoin miserliness on other men and hide what Allah has bestowed upon them of His Bounties. And We have prepared for the disbelievers a disgraceful torment. (4:36-37)
Even in the very first sermon of prophet Muhammad (peace and Blessings be upon him) in Madinah, spreading salam and feeding the poor were mentioned.
- Repel Evil with Goodness:
“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character). (41:34-35)
- Make Reconciliation:
“The believers are nothing else than brothers (in Islamic religion). So make reconciliation between your brothers, and fear Allah, that you may receive mercy.” (49:10)
“The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof, but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah…” (42:40)
Lying is a major sin in Islam, but to reconcile 2 people is so important that it forms one of the exceptions on permissible factors to lie:
Asma bint Yazid narrated that the Messenger of Allah said:
“It is not lawful to lie except in three cases: Something the man tells his wife to please her, to lie during war, and to lie in order to bring peace between the people.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1938)
It is also narrated in Sahih Muslim
- Do Not Quarrel:
“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another) lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). (8:46)
Abu Umamah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for one who leaves arguments even if he is right, and a house in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lies even when joking, and a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character excellent.”
Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4800
- Do Not Waste your Energy on Ignorant People:
“And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness.” (25:63)
- Make Peace Your Main Goal:
“But if they incline to peace, you also incline to it, and (put your) trust in Allah. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.” (8:61)
- Look at Yourself Before You Judge Others:
“O you who believe! When you go (to fight) in the Cause of Allah, verify (the truth), and say not to anyone who greets you (by embracing Islam): “You are not a believer”; seeking the perishable goods of the worldly life. There are much more profits and booties with Allah. Even as he is now, so were you yourselves before till Allah conferred on you His Favours (i.e. guided you to Islam), therefore, be cautious in discrimination. Allah is Ever Well-Aware of what you do.” (4:94)
- Avoid Negative Assumptions, Spying and Backbiting:
“O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting) . And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.” (49:12)
Ibn Rajab quotes Imam Ibn Abi Zayd Al-Qairawani, who was one of the Maliki Imams, as saying that the following four ahadith set the main concept for good manners and behavior:
- “Part of the perfection of a person’s Islam is his leaving that which is of no concern to him” [at-Tirmidhi]
- “Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or keep silent…” [Bukhari and Muslim]
- A man said to the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam: “Counsel me”. He said: “Do not become angry”. The man repeated [his request] several times, and he said: “Do not become angry.” [Al-Bukhari]
- “None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” [Al-Bukhari.]
- Give Charity Only to Please Allah (swt):
“He who spends his wealth for increase in self-purification, And have in his mind no favour from anyone for which a reward is expected in return, Except only the desire to seek the Countenance of his Lord, the Most High; He surely will be pleased (when he will enter Paradise).” (92:18-21)
“A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim – he does not wrong him nor does he forsake him when he is in need; whosoever is fulfilling the needs of his brother, Allah is fulfilling his needs; whosoever removes distress from a believer, Allah removes from him a distress from a distressful aspect of the Day of Resurrection; and whosoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults on the Day of Resurrection.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
- Restrain Anger and Forgive:
“who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinun (the good-doers) (3:134)
“… so overlook (O Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be upon him), their faults with gracious forgiveness.”15:85–end of verse)
“The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof, but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah. Verily, He likes not the Zalimun (oppressors, polytheists, and wrong-doers, etc.).” (42:40)
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him):
“A man said to the Prophet, ‘Give me advice.’ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, ‘Do not get angry.’ The man asked repeatedly and the Prophet answered each time, ‘Do not get angry.’”
Related by Bukhari & Muslim
- Consider Others’ Feelings:
“O you who believe! Enter not the Prophet’s houses, except when leave is given to you for a meal, (and then) not (so early as) to wait for its preparation. But when you are invited, enter, and when you have taken your meal, disperse, without sitting for a talk. Verily, such (behaviour) annoys the Prophet, and he is shy of (asking) you (to go), but Allah is not shy of (telling you) the truth. And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. And it is not (right) for you that you should annoy Allah’s Messenger, nor that you should ever marry his wives after him (his death). Verily! With Allah that shall be an enormity” (33:53)
- Consult with Others When Making Decisions:
“So whatever you have been given is but a passing enjoyment for this worldly life, but that which is with Allah (Paradise) is better and more lasting for those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism) and put their trust in their Lord (concerning all of their affairs). And those who avoid the greater sins, and Al-Fawahish (illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and when they are angry, they forgive. And those who answer the Call of their Lord [i.e. to believe that He is the only One Lord (Allah), and to worship none but Him Alone], and perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), and who (conduct) their affairs by mutual consultation, and who spend of what We have bestowed on them;” (42:36-38)
- Do Not Let Hatred Lead to Injustice:
“…and let not the hatred of some people in (once) stopping you from Al-Masjid-al-Haram (at Makkah) lead you to transgression (and hostility on your part). Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is Severe in punishment.” (5:2)
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, in the hadeeth qudsi, was that Allah, may He be blessed and exalted, said: “O My slaves, I have forbidden zulm (injustice, wrongdoing, unfairness) to Myself and I have made it haraam among you, so do not wrong one another.” Narrated by Muslim, 2577
“Verily, Allah enjoins Al-Adl (i.e. justice and worshipping none but Allah Alone – Islamic Monotheism) and Al-Ihsan (i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah, totally for Allahs sake and in accordance with the Sunnah (legal ways) of the Prophet SAW in a perfect manner), and giving (help) to kith and kin (i.e. all that Allah has ordered you to give them e.g., wealth, visiting, looking after them, or any other kind of help, etc.): and forbids Al-Fahsha (i.e all evil deeds, e.g. illegal sexual acts, disobedience of parents, polytheism, to tell lies, to give false witness, to kill a life without right, etc.), and Al-Munkar (i.e all that is prohibited by Islamic law: polytheism of every kind, disbelief and every kind of evil deeds, etc.), and Al-Baghy (i.e. all kinds of oppression), He admonishes you, that you may take heed” [an-Nahl 16:90].
Ath-Thahabi maintained that injustice is a major sin and said that doing injustice to others may take the form of trespassing on their property, abusing them physically or verbally, and attacking the weak. He mentioned the Quranic verses and Prophetic Hadeeths that threaten the unjust. Then he reported that some of the righteous predecessors said, “Do not wrong the weak so as not to be one of the evil strong people.” In addition to this, he mentioned some forms of injustice that he considered to be major sins:
– Devouring the property of orphans
– Procrastination in repaying debts despite the ability to repay at the due time.
– Denying a wife her rights such as dowry, clothing and provision.
– Denying a laborer his wage or salary
– Inaccurate divisions and valuation, which are considered major sins, according to Ibn Hajar .
- Speak Gently:
“And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; …” (3:159)
One of the most beloved qualities of good character to Allah is kindness and gentleness. Allah has reserved a special reward for those who are kind and gentle.
Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
O Aisha, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness. He rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness and He does not reward anything else like it.
Source: Sahih Muslim 2593, Grade: Sahih
Kindness and gentleness are traits that are inherently good, and whoever has them has been given his portion of goodness.
Jareer reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
He who is deprived of kindness is deprived of goodness.
Source: Sahih Muslim 2592, Grade: Sahih
Abu Ad-Darda reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
Whoever is given his portion of kindness has been given his portion of goodness, and whoever is deprived of his portion of kindness has been deprived of his portion of goodness.
Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2013, Grade: Sahih
Allah loves kindness and gentleness in all matters, so we should manifest these qualities even when we face abuse and cruelty. On one occasion, the Prophet was insulted and cursed by his enemies but he did not return their curse. Rather, he showed patience and forbearance and encouraged his companions to be kind.
Aisha reported: A group of Jews asked permission to visit the Prophet and when they were admitted they said, “Death be upon you.” I said to them, “Rather death and the curse of Allah be upon you!” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
O Aisha, Allah is kind and He loves kindness in all matters.
Source: Sahih Bukhari 6528, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi
- Keep Your Promises:
“It is not Al-Birr (piety, righteousness, and each and every act of obedience to Allah, etc.) that you turn your faces towards east and (or) west (in prayers); but Al-Birr is (the quality of) the one who believes in Allah, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, and to Al-Masakin (the poor), and to the wayfarer, and to those who ask, and to set slaves free, performs As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat), and gives the Zakat, and who fulfill their covenant when they make it, and who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.) in extreme poverty and ailment (disease) and at the time of fighting (during the battles). Such are the people of the truth and they are Al-Muttaqun” (2:177)
“…And fulfil (every) covenant. Verily! the covenant, will be questioned about.” (17:34)
“And make not your oaths, a means of deception among yourselves, lest a foot may slip after being firmly planted, and you may have to taste the evil (punishment in this world) of having hindered (men) from the Path of Allah (i.e. Belief in the Oneness of Allah and His Messenger, Muhammad, Peace be upon him), and yours will be a great torment (i.e. the Fire of Hell in the Hereafter). And purchase not a small gain at the cost of Allah’s Covenant. Verily! What is with Allah is better for you if you did but know.” (16:94-95)
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Among the signs of a hypocrite are three, even if he fasts and prays and claims to be a Muslim: when he speaks he lies, when he gives a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 33, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 59
- Use the Quran and Sunnah to Handle Disagreements:
“O you who believe! Obey Allah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad, Peace be upon him), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger (Peace be Upon him), if you believe in Allah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.” (4:59)
Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “I have left you with two matters which will never lead you astray, as long as you hold to them: the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of his Prophet.”
Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1661
- Some People Are Reliable and Some Are Not; People are Different:
“Among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is he who, if entrusted with a Cantar (a great amount of wealth, etc.), will readily pay it back; and among them there is he who, if entrusted with a single silver coin, will not repay it unless you constantly stand demanding, because they say: “There is no blame on us to betray and take the properties of the illiterates (Arabs).” But they tell a lie against Allah while they know it.” (3:75)
